What I Learned on My First Cruise

Would you get in a jacuzzi after you know people regularly throw up in it? In the name of reporting, Emily Stewart does (admittedly, post-cleaning, but still). In this Business Insider piece, Stewart documents her experience on a cruise. While the topic isn’t new, her angle is: she finds the whole thing distinctly mediocre. She neither trashes the trip nor gushes over it, and mostly has a generally all-right time. We rarely admit that things are just okay—although that is often the simple truth. It’s a refreshing take.

It’s all-aboard, and I am the “this is fine” meme, except there’s no fire in the backdrop, just the Port of San Diego and a voice over a loudspeaker reminding us to check in at the safety station we’re to report to in case of emergency, which I am much too turned around to remember. I have an internal debate about whether to suck in the last moments of precious mindless scrolling on my phone or to explore the boat. I choose the latter, determined to dive into the experience — and get in my steps, because one of the main things I know about cruises is they’re a fast way to get a little bit fat. My first stop is the ship’s Irish pub, undermining the steps thing, and I pick up a gin and tonic for the road. I walk through the casino, which I will frequent multiple times across the trip, and the gym, which I will never set foot in again.