Quick, name an annual televised event you’re powerless to resist watching even a little bit of. You said the Westminster Dog Show, right? Stop lying, of course you did. As a spectacle of both soul-cleansing cuteness and prissiness, it’s damn near unmatched. Behind the scenes, though? Chaos. Into the fray wades Mina Tavakoli, eyebrow arched above a gimlet eye. A don’t-miss piece for dog lovers and haters alike.
First placed on earth as wolves, then domesticated as a sort of gift from mankind, to mankind, the non-dog-show dog is an obvious human benison. Today, they serve a role not unlike children, with all the typical hallmarks of those of our species aged 0–3 (occasional tantrums, eternal neediness, financial toll, effluvia), without the ensuing journey to personhood that eventually pries child and parent apart. A dog will not threaten to go to college in a different state, will not disappoint you by burning your curtains, stealing your liquor, marrying a moron; will not struggle with calculus, home ownership, suicidal ideation. Any dog owner is seeking the companionship of a terminally illiterate and devoted sponge.
More picks from n+1
Orange Era
“First it was a fire, then it was a color, and before too long it became a regime unto itself.”
Heaven’s Melodic Strains
“From a certain height, the problem becomes one of knowledge itself: Do you believe what you hear, or do you hear what you believe?”
Semiquincentennial Blues
“I am yearning to reject something that is not even being sold to me.”
The Clip Stage
“The clip is something like the primary episteme of the World Cup, for the simple reason that there is too much soccer.”
In the Reality Lab
“Your body’s data was only valuable once.”
Wish You Were Her
“Aboard the celebrity impersonators’ cruise.”
