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Upon This Rock Remember those perfume dispensers they used to have in pharmacies—”If you like Drakkar Noir, you’ll love Sexy Musk”? Well, Christian rock works like that. Every successful crappy secular group has its Christian off-brand, and that’s proper, because culturally speaking, it’s supposed to serve as a stand-in for, not an alternative to or […]

The Man Who Wouldn’t Die: Meet Olympian and Biggest Loser Contestant Rulon Gardner Ru left a message on Grant’s machine. “Hey, brotha,” he said matter-of-factly. “Hey, I just wanted you to know that we crashed into Lake Powell yesterday, and we swam two miles and huddled up like puppies through the night, and we survived. […]

The Worldwide Leader in Dong Shots “It isn’t a question of whether or not he should have done the story. It’s a story,” says Frank Deford, who’s been writing for Sports Illustrated since 1962. “But aren’t there better stories to do? Do we really want to know about Brett Favre trying to get laid? Wouldn’t […]

The Last Temptation of Ted Haggard What his wife’s book didn’t do was settle the question of Ted’s sexuality or give insight into how it plays out in their marriage now—whether Ted still battles the same urges that got him to Mike Jones’s massage table. And if so, does he tell her when it happens? […]

The Day the Movies Died “Fear has descended,” says James Schamus, the screenwriter-producer who also heads the profitable indie company Focus Features, “and nobody in Hollywood wants to be the person who green-lit a movie that not only crashes but about which you can’t protect yourself by saying, ‘But at least it was based on […]

The People V. Football She had no idea, back then, that he was sick. She had no idea he was losing his mind. Something neurological, the doctors are now saying, some kind of sludge blocking pathways in his brain. Would it have made a difference if she knew? Of course it would have. But you […]

Coke, Hookers, Hospital, Repeat “Here’s a peek into my insanity,” Charlie Sheen tells me one afternoon in February. “People say, ‘What are you thinking?’ and here’s the truth. It’s generally a quote from Apocalypse Now or Jaws.” It’s Sheen’s fourteenth day of sobriety (this time around), and he’s calling from a baseball diamond on the […]

Schemes of My Father He’d been doing very well in Baltimore, earning six figures as the vice president of a bank, but he tossed his job out the window when some Reaganomics-drunk investor (“an admirer,” my father called him) phoned him out of the blue to see if he wanted to direct a savings and […]

The Boy from Gitmo A month ago, he’d been working at Parris Island, South Carolina, capping a distinguished career during which he’d won more than 95 percent of his cases. He’d recently bought a big house with a huge kitchen and a fountain out back for his wife and two boys-and had begun to turn […]