A Grand Experiment in Parenthood and Friendship

Every so often, I’ll remember and contemplate Rhaina Cohen’s 2020 Atlantic feature exploring whether friendship, not marriage, is at the center of our lives. It resonated with me, much like this piece on how groups of friends have designed their lives around one another—in order to create bigger, more supportive networks through which they can raise their children together. In a time when people are less social and more isolated, this idea is attractive to families that seek community as well as nontraditional ways of living. But what does this setup and dynamic really look like? What do people gain—and lose? Cohen shares how some families are making it work.

Since moving next door to their best friends, Charlotte and Raffi have found that friendship and parenthood easily mesh—in both extraordinary circumstances and in so many other, more ordinary ways. The parents regularly pass children’s Tylenol, cereal, and milk to one another across their balconies. If one parent looks worn out, another might offer to watch the kids for the morning. Half a year into their living arrangement, Charlotte told me, “we’ve socialized more in the last six months than in the last six years of parenting.” Pockets of time when most parents are homebound are now ripe for spontaneous hangouts, especially because their kids can entertain one another. When the children are asleep, Charlotte and Raffi can grab the baby monitor and hop the balcony wall to their friends’ house. Movie nights are a breeze.