Amelia Tate finds looking back at her teenage diaries an awkward experience. Who wouldn’t? But Tate finds more than cringe in these books—she finds an understanding of who she was as a teenager. It’s not someone she is proud of.

Flowers, butterflies, Eeyore and a “sexy” red boot adorn the covers of the books that chronicle everything from my first kiss to losing my virginity. These nine notebooks chart the development of my eating disorder all the way up to the “prom!!” night, when my period returned after years of starvation.