Happy Birthday to Gemini-in-Chief, Donald Trump

Madame Tussauds unveils a wax figure of Donald J. Trump ahead of the inauguration. (Photo by Chris J Ratcliffe/Getty Images)

We’re not saying astrology is or isn’t real, but Donald Trump is a Gemini and we could talk about this. Why not seek insight into the leader of the free world by any means available? We thought polls were a science and that was wrong. We thought climate change was a science, but that’s apparently now up for grabs. Maybe astrology is the real science? Who’s to say!

So what’s the deal with Geminis? They’re volatile, prone to mood swings and abrupt changes in opinions. Writing on Huffington Post about Gemini and disgraced governor Eliot Spitzer in 2008, Vanity Fair astrology columnist Michael Lutin writes:

When dealing with Geminis, remember that when they are in front of you they usually say what they mean and they mean what they say at that exact moment. There’s always another side to them they would rather not show you, however, mainly because it is usually diametrically opposed to the image they have created in their relationship with you. It doesn’t always mean that they are insincere, fraudulent shape shifters who say one thing, do another.

(It’s unclear how that last sentence jibes with the previous two terrifying ones.)

Rosa Lyster recently wrote about actor and Gemini Angelina Jolie for the Hairpin, citing a GQ profile of Brad Pitt that she believes would have been more accurately titled, “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CROSS A GEMINI.” Lyster warns that Geminis are erratic, easily bored, impulsive, unpredictable, and worse:

Geminis are for experts, only. They fuck you up. They may not mean to, but they do. A Gemini will escort you off the premises of your own life and you won’t even realize it until you are cuffed and in the back of the van. They will put you on a journey that you didn’t intend to make. You must not allow yourself to get downwind from one until you are prepared. Even then. You will never really be prepared because they will come at you from an angle that makes nonsense of the rules of physics. They are possessed of a terrifying, glittering life force. They are Something Else.

Which other presidents were Geminis? Good question. Donald Trump is our third Gemini president, with John F. Kennedy and George H. Bush (the father) preceding him. Both Kennedy and Bush, Sr. were one-term presidents, though for different reasons. (Kennedy was assassinated; Bush, Sr., lost to Bill Clinton.)

What were those Geminis like as presidents? Kennedy was the youngest president, and famously said in his Inaugural Address, “Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” (Maybe Geminis are demanding? We know Trump demands loyalty.) According to his White House biography, Kennedy is credited with setting the country on its longest sustained economic expansion since World War II, introducing new civil rights legislation, cultivating federal support for the arts, and providing humanitarian aid to developing nations.

(Trump wants to cut funding for civil rights enforcement, tried to slash the budget for the National Endowment for the Arts, and stopped providing money to the United Nations because of a disagreement over abortion.)

Then again, Kennedy also brought the world to the brink of nuclear war with the Cuban missile crisis. Trump recently told his counterpart in the Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte, that the U.S. has “two nuclear submarines” off the coast of North Korea and previously tweeted casually about North Korea’s nuclear capabilities, prompting North Korea to threaten an attack on New York.

Let’s move on to Bush, Sr. His White House biography states he “brought to the White House a dedication to traditional American values and a determination to direct them toward making the United States ‘a kinder and gentler nation.'” Like Kennedy, he was an interventionist, sending American forces to Panama to overthrow Gen. Manuel Noriega, and to Kuwait against Saddam Hussein in Operation Desert Storm:

Iraqi President Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, then threatened to move into Saudi Arabia. Vowing to free Kuwait, Bush rallied the United Nations, the U. S. people, and Congress and sent 425,000 American troops. They were joined by 118,000 troops from allied nations. After weeks of air and missile bombardment, the 100-hour land battle dubbed Desert Storm routed Iraq’s million-man army.

He was the first elected President to lose re-election since Herbert Hoover, and got in trouble for saying, “Read my lips: no new taxes” while campaigning, then having to compromise with a majority Democrat Congress on budget negotiations as president. This tracks with what we know of Geminis, right? As the twin sign, Geminis are often considered to be mercurial and even two-faced — not to be taken at their word.

Speaking of honesty, a President’s Day post over at DailyHoroscope.com (a good a resource as any, astrology-wise) notes that the most common zodiac sign among U.S. presidents are Scorpio and Aquarius:

It’s no surprise that the issue of honesty comes up frequently in politics. From unmet campaign promises to massive governmental secrets, truth and lies play a big role in U.S. politics — and Scorprio is certainly the best at sidestepping the truth. But Scorpio is also deeply interested in what lies beneath the surface, helping these presidents look beyond what the rest of us see in order to find new and innovative ways of approaching problems. And let’s not forget the intense passion that a Scorpio brings to the table — without passion, there is no drive, and without drive, one would certainly not be able to sustain at least four years in one of the most demanding jobs imaginable.

Yet perhaps the most important trait a president must have, hands down, is an understanding of and willingness to work with and for the people he represents. Enter, Aquarius. Aquarius is widely known to be the most community-oriented of the horsocope signs, not to mention one of the most off-beat. And it’s this off-beat nature that allows Aquarian presidents to go against long-standing practices and move the country in a new direction. In fact, birthday-boy Lincoln was an Aquarius, and we can thank this focus on humanity for his dedication to the end of slavery, which started with his Emancipation Proclaimation of 1863.

Hm. And here’s DailyHoroscope.com’s horoscope for Trump today, on the anniversary of his birth:

Your charming wit impresses people so much they rally to your support, only to realize your plans aren’t nearly as practical as they thought. Mischievous Mercury aligns with dreamy Neptune, enhancing the colors of your fantasies while blurring your connections to the real world. Rather than needing to retell your story later on, just stick with the facts right from the beginning. Save your tall tales and word games for another day. Being honest keeps your integrity intact.

Hmmm. Susan Miller, the foremost authority on astrology on the internet (probably), has this to say about what June has in store for Trump:

Underscoring the message about a relationship you will get at the full moon June 9 comes the toughest day of the year: June 14-15. All depends on how life has been going along up until now – if well, you may not feel this aspect. Admittedly it will be the Gemini born on one of these two days that will feel it most.

Happy birthday, Mr. President, and best of luck.