Search Results for: fuck

The Awl: A Q&A with a Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

The Awl: A Q&A with a Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

I said, ‘What’s your — pardon me — your fucking plan, then, if you don’t like this?’” “‘We don’t like—’ I said, ‘Don’t tell me what you don’t like! Tell me how you’re going to stop the North Korean nuclear program.’ ‘But we wouldn’t do it this way—’ ‘Stop! What are you going to do?’ I could never get a goddamn answer. What I got was ‘We wouldn’t negotiate.’” I pointed out that the North Koreans had cheated on the 1994 agreement. “Excuse me,” Gallucci said, “the Soviets cheated on virtually every deal we ever made with them, but we were still better off with the deal than without it.

Dancing Near the Stars

Longreads Pick

Profile of “Jersey Shore”‘s Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino. “Sure, they all got shithouse drunk and screamed bleeped curse words in one another’s faces and flashed their thongs and referred to girls who didn’t meet their rigorous physical-attractiveness standards as ‘grenades’ and generally embodied every negative stereotype associated with Italian-American culture you can embody without murdering someone for control of a gambling syndicate. But they never seemed less than totally genuine, something you can’t say about the last ten years of ‘Real World’ fuckbots, and they lived, for the most part, by a bro code, and they kept each other in line, and they always said grace at dinner. They were less like the Sopranos and more like the Simpsons—irascible cartoons with skin tones not found in nature, accused of contributing to the decline of family values while actually reaffirming those values. And over the course of two seasons, they’ve grown into the most charismatic characters on TV.”

Source: GQ
Published: Nov 22, 2010
Length: 24 minutes (6,196 words)

Joan Rivers Always Knew She Was Funny

Longreads Pick

It’s the rest of the world that sometimes forgot. “Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed. This is the mantra of the pessimist and the persecuted alike, the preemptive strike of those who tend to paint the picture a little blacker than it is. And then there is Joan Rivers, the orneriest creature ever to darken Hollywood’s door. She once told me that her husband, Edgar Rosenberg, who killed himself in 1987, lived by the heartwarming motto ‘Fuck them over before they fuck you over first.'”

Published: May 23, 2010
Length: 26 minutes (6,656 words)

Playboy Interview: Sarah Silverman

Longreads Pick

It’s a process. When you have an act that’s polished and you’re in the zone, you can’t wait to get out there. But I’m in a place where I’m backstage going, “I have fucking nothing!” I just feel like a loser. But I’ve also realized I can’t go out and keep doing the same fake racist metajokes anymore. Otherwise 30 years will go by and I’ll be the guy onstage going [imitates Andrew Dice Clay], “Hickory dickory dock!”

Source: Playboy
Published: Mar 26, 2010
Length: 24 minutes (6,158 words)

Secrets of Magus

Longreads Pick

Deborah Baron, a screenwriter in Los Angeles, where Ricky Jay lives, once invited him to a New Year’s Eve dinner party at her home. About a dozen other people attended. Well past midnight, everyone gathered around a coffee table as Jay, at Baron’s request, did closeup card magic. When he had performed several dazzling illusions and seemed ready to retire, a guest named Mort said, “Come on, Ricky. Why don’t you do something truly amazing?” Baron recalls that at that moment “the look in Ricky’s eyes was, like, ‘Mort—you have just fucked with the wrong person.’ ”

Source: The New Yorker
Published: Apr 5, 1993
Length: 59 minutes (14,902 words)

Playboy Interview: Metallica (2001)

Longreads Pick

HETFIELD: We had our battles with spandex, that’s for sure. You could show off your package. “Wear spandex, dude. It gets you chicks!” On the first tour through America, my spandex—I fucking hate saying, “my spandex.” It’s a pretty evil phrase. They were wet from the night before, and I was drying them by the heater. A big hole melted right in the crotch. It was like, “They’re not real pants, are they? They’re like pantyhose.” I just opted to keep my jeans on, and that was the best thing that ever happened.

Source: Playboy
Published: Apr 1, 2001
Length: 43 minutes (10,905 words)