My Elf Self

Sedaris recalls his time working as a Macy’s elf during the holiday season:

“Today was the official opening day of SantaLand and I worked as a Magic Window Elf, a Santa Elf and an Usher Elf. The Magic Window is located in the adult ‘Quick Peep’ queue. My job was to say, ‘Step on the Magic Star and look through the window, and you can see Santa!’ I was at the Magic Window for 15 minutes before a man approached me and said, ‘You look so fucking stupid.’

“I have to admit that he had a point. But still, I wanted to say that at least I get paid to look stupid, that he gives it away for free. But I can’t say things like that because I’m supposed to be merry.

“So instead I said, ‘Thank you!'”

Source: The Independent
Published: Dec 9, 1995
Length: 11 minutes (2,921 words)
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