Scaachi Koul

Underneath this rapper’s diet of weed and codeine cough syrup is a teenage boy living out his celebrity fantasy, a boy who is trapped in the space between his public persona and his eighteen-year-old self.

In this searching personal essay, writer Scaachi Koul conflictedly interrogates her inability to ignore societal pressure and stop wishing she were thinner — along with her inability to get thinner in time for her upcoming wedding, for which her dress is too small.

“Beauty is so frequently about an erasure of history, of ethnicity, and it’s no wonder we’re still trying to hide our noses.” Rhinoplasty is one of the most popular cosmetic plastic surgeries in the U.S. When will we love our noses just the way they are?