Dear Sugar: The Obliterated Place

Cheryl Strayed’s collection of advice pieces, Tiny Beautiful Things, comes out today. Here, she responds to a father who is grieving the loss of his son, who was killed by a drunk driver:

“17. You have the power to withstand this sorrow. We all do, though we all claim not to. We say, ‘I couldn’t go on,’ instead of saying we hope we won’t have to. That’s what you’re saying in your letter to me, Living Dead Dad. You’ve made it so fucking long without your sweet boy and now you can’t take it anymore. But you can. You must.

“18. More will be revealed. Your son hasn’t yet taught you everything he has to teach you. He taught you how to love like you’ve never loved before. He taught you how to suffer like you’ve never suffered before. Perhaps the next thing he has to teach you is acceptance. And the thing after that, forgiveness.”

Author: Dear Sugar
Source: The Rumpus
Published: Jul 1, 2011
Length: 9 minutes (2,380 words)

Dear Sugar: Beauty and the Beast (2010)

Confronting a letter writer who fears he may be too ugly for a romantic relationship:

“This, sweet pea, is where we must dig.

“You will never have my permission to close yourself off to love and give up. Never. You must do everything you can to get what you want and need, to find ‘that type of love.’ It’s there for you. I know it’s arrogant of me to say so, because what the hell do I know about looking like a monster or a beast? Not a thing. But I do know that we are here, all of us — beasts and monsters and beauties and wallflowers alike — to do the best we can. And every last one of us can do better than give up.”

Author: Dear Sugar
Source: The Rumpus
Published: Aug 5, 2010
Length: 11 minutes (2,833 words)

Dear Sugar: How You Get Unstuck

“Dear Sugar, About eighteen months ago, I got pregnant. In a move that surprised both my boyfriend and me, we decided we wanted to keep the baby. Though the pregnancy was unplanned, we were really excited to become parents and the child was very much loved and wanted. When I was six and a half months pregnant, I miscarried. Since then, I’ve struggled to get out of bed.”

Author: Dear Sugar
Source: The Rumpus
Published: Jul 24, 2010
Length: 15 minutes (3,892 words)

Dear Sugar: The Ghost Ship That Didn’t Carry Us

What don’t you know? Make a list. Write down everything you don’t know about your future life—which is everything, of course—but use your imagination. What are the thoughts and images that come to mind when you picture yourself at twice the age you are now? What springs forth if you imagine the 82 year-old self who opted to “keep enjoying the same life” and what when you picture the 82 year-old self with a thirty-nine year old son or daughter?

Author: Dear Sugar
Source: The Rumpus
Published: Apr 21, 2011
Length: 9 minutes (2,346 words)