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A Closed Letter to Myself About Thievery, Heckling and Rape Jokes

The comedian reflects on how we rationalize the decisions we make in our life—from stealing other people's material to defending rape jokes:

"Well, I stole a joke. Not consciously. I heard something I found hilarious, mis-remembered it as an inspiration of my own, and then said it onstage. And got big laughs.

"Here it is: 'Whenever I’m sitting on a bus, and someone asks me if the seat next to me is free, I have an answer that guarantees no one will want that seat. I look up and smile and say, "No one but…The Lord."'

"Huge laugh on that one. Pow! Bigger than anything else in my set at the time, that’s for sure.

"I came off stage and Blaine Capatch, a comedian friend of mine who’s a never-miss machine gun in terms of quantity and quality when it comes to jokes, took me aside and said, 'That’s a Carol Leifer joke, man.'"
PUBLISHED: June 14, 2013
LENGTH: 25 minutes (6256 words)

Wake Up, Geek Culture. Time to Die.

Fast-forward to now: Boba Fett’s helmet emblazoned on sleeveless T-shirts worn by gym douches hefting dumbbells. The Glee kids performing the songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And Toad the Wet Sprocket, a band that took its name from a Monty Python riff, joining the permanent soundtrack of a night out at Bennigan’s. Our below-the-topsoil passions have been rudely dug up and displayed in the noonday sun. The Lord of the Rings used to be ours and only ours simply because of the sheer goddamn thickness of the books. Twenty years later, the entire cast and crew would be trooping onstage at the Oscars to collect their statuettes, and replicas of the One Ring would be sold as bling.
PUBLISHED: Dec. 27, 2010
LENGTH: 11 minutes (2783 words)